Through tears in my eyes, I sit and write this. 10 years ago today, I began a journey that has not gone nearly as I had expected. I dreamed big dreams for our marriage. I thought we would get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. The thought of divorce or even just simple arguments were far from my mind. Yet something ugly loomed just on the horizon.
The past 10 years has dealt us some hard blows. We have gone through major health issues, job losses and unemployment. We have moved multiple times, losing homes for both financial and emotional reasons. We have gone through the loss of a business resulting in us receiving more disconnect notices and reconnect fees than I can even count. We lived, with four of our children, in 300 square feet for two years. We have gone through an affair and have lost children to that affair. We dealt with the constant screaming and anger that comes when a spouse chooses to be unfaithful. We slept in separate rooms. We didn’t speak to one another. We cried.
Yet, as I sit here and reflect over those last 10 years, I am beside myself in awe and wonder. How has our marriage made it through all of this? How has God found me worthy? Why did He choose to save my marriage? Why didn’t He just let me go in my sin? While I can’t answer the why’s and the how’s, I just know that HE DID. He took what the world throws out on a daily basis as trash, and he made it whole again. And not only did He make it whole but He has blessed us beyond measure.
It is so hard for me to put into words the emotions that I am feeling through all of this. I am so grateful that He gave me Derek and that they both fought to bring me back to Him. Yet, “grateful” barely hits the tip of the emotion. I am overwhelmed with the love of Christ and what He’s done to save me and my marriage. But even beyond my own thankfulness, I am desperate. I am desperate for you to know that my God hasn’t just singled me out. He hasn’t just chosen to save my marriage and not yours. I am desperate to show the world, that the God who has redeemed me, is the God who aches to redeem you as well. He longs to see your marriage whole again. And trust me when I say this….He has the power to make it happen. I am living proof that there is no heart too stubborn, no attitude too hateful, no financial issue too big, no loss too painful, and no sin too great that God cannot fix it and take it all away. If you are in the heat of a battle for your marriage right now, do not lose hope. I know it is hard. I know it is painful. I know it is overwhelming. But the God I serve is extraordinary.
If you have found any kind of encouragement from our story or from our work over the past few years, I ask you to please take a moment today and thank your Father for His faithfulness. Thank Him for being the loving and forgiving and merciful God that He is. Then, please say another prayer for those that are still grasping to hold on to the unraveling threads of their own marriages. Pray that they will be renewed in strength and perseverance. Pray that they will see the Hope that they have.
To Derek, my best friend. Thank you. Thank you for loving me when I was unlovable. Thank you for fighting against the sin in me when I fought against you. Thank you for humbling yourself so that I could see my own arrogance. Thank you for not giving up on me even when the world said you should. There really are no words…….Thank you. I love you. Happy Anniversary!
To my Father who pursued me and gave Himself up to save me, I can’t even speak. Words would be pointless right now. I only have the tears and the wonder as I was brought to you for condemnation and instead You looked at me with mercy and simply said, “Go and sin no more.”