I just got off of the phone with a man whose wife cheated on him years ago, but who just recently told him. We were talking about the pain of betrayal and the shame. It’s hard to listen to a brother in that kind of pain asking such gut wrenching questions. His heart has been broken and his trust betrayed. As much as we all desire it, there is no quick fix for that kind of wound. The pain is unimaginable.
You may find yourself in this same position or perhaps even coming from the opposite side. Until you’ve been there, you just don’t understand how deep it all runs.
The pain of my wife’s affair was so bad that I really never thought we would heal. I went from harsh anger to deep depression over and over again. I wanted her to gravel at my feet, but she was so caught up in him that loving me was of little to no interest. Lisa was interested in serving herself and my pain was on the back burner.
Talking with that brother today on the phone brought back some tremendous memories of pain and heartache. But, the great thing is the story of victory I can now tell because of what Jesus did to overcome it. My suffering was for something meaningful. It wasn’t for selfish gain or foolish pride. It was for the glory of God.
Your wounds and pain may seem greater than ever at this moment. They may seem out of control and insurmountable, but they’re not.
The first time I saw the man Lisa had cheated on me with in public, I remember calling Dad for fear of what I was going to do next. I remember an unquenchable desire to take his life from this world. As tears streamed down my face, I’ll never forget what my dad said.
“Derek, don’t forget that you aren’t the first to suffer this kind of hurt. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, Derek. But, I do know someone who does. Remember, Jesus went to the cross for the very people who were betraying him. As they spit on him, mocked him, and beat him, he gave himself up for them.”
If you’re struggling with a broken marriage, go to the Wonderful Counselor. He’s walked where you have walked. He’s suffered as you have suffered.
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
Isaiah 53:5 NIV
There is hope. But, you have to begin by dealing with the pain.