It was my dream job. I couldn’t have asked for more. I was getting to work with horses all day long. (Not everyone’s dream job, but mine!) I was learning so much about what I loved to do! Derek had joined with the owner of this ranch in a business partnership. We were helping adults and children with disabilities to gain mobility and strength back by offering therapeutic riding. I loved it and couldn’t have asked for more. I was even getting riding lessons from one of my co-workers. I had always wanted to do something like this but had never been given the opportunity. Little did I know that this opportunity was not of God. It was of Satan.
Derek and I worked together most days. We became good friends with the other boarders and workers at the ranch. This was Derek’s dream as well. He was co-owner of his own business and working with horses. Eventually, the logistics of owning the business caught up with Derek, and he was forced to work away from the ranch more. He had to go to meetings and find new clients. So that left me to do the therapies by myself with another co-worker.
My co-worker and I continued on in our daily routines of helping clients and doing more riding lessons. We became close friends as we worked one-on-one for hours at a time. We talked about riding, our interests, and life in general. We soon became close enough that we began talking about the relationships that we were in and our pasts. Even in this, it was all very innocent in my mind. But, I was slowly opening the door for Satan to come into my life.
Eventually, the day came when we said goodbye for the day, and something happened at this goodbye. Something changed. He gave me a look. There was an awkward silence. Then, he gave me a seemingly innocent kiss on the cheek. Satan had seen the open door and took full advantage of it.
From there, things escalated quickly. It started that evening with a phone call to me when I was at my second job. He wanted to discuss what had happened that afternoon. He read it as being that I wanted more. From all of our conversations, he had gathered that I was unhappy in my marriage and needed something different. Was I? Was I really that unhappy? Was I unhappy at all? I couldn’t believe that I was. But, here was an opportunity. Somebody WANTED me. I knew Derek loved and cherished me more than life itself. But this was more exciting somehow. It was wrong! Somehow, in my mind, wrong equaled exciting.
I conceded that, yes, there were a few things that weren’t fantastic in our marriage. With that, I had invited Satan to come in and have a seat. Immediately, my guard was down. Here was a man offering to do everything better than Derek could. He could take care of me better, love me better, even sleep with me better. So, what was I to do? I knew it was wrong. I knew it was sinful. I knew it would hurt Derek. But Satan grabbed my selfishness and brought it to full light. I wanted something for ME.
Day after day, my heart got harder and harder. I began lying to Derek about when I would be at work. I lied about my pager being broken and being unable to call. I lied about why I was getting dressed up to go ride horses. I lied about everything. Our home fell apart. We began fighting when we never had fought before. I began resenting him. I began believing the lies that were being told to me. Satan, through my co-worker, was filling my head with all of the things that Derek was doing wrong and how poorly he was treating me. I believed them and hated that Derek would treat me that way. No man would push me around! I even lied when Derek confronted me and asked if I was having an affair. The very idea that he would accuse me of that! Of course, I knew deep down in my heart that it was wrong and that he was right. But Satan quickly let that thought fly out the window.
Finally, one day during a business meeting between Derek, myself, my co-worker, and the other business owner, my whole perspective changed. There was a very heated argument between Derek and the other owner. The other owner was taking advantage of Derek and denying his ownership of any part of the company. I was upset that he would do that to Derek, but also thinking that maybe Derek had just misunderstood their agreement. It became so heated that Derek finally said that he was leaving the business. He stood up and went to the office to gather his things before leaving. It was at this moment that God was asking me which side I was going to fight for. Satan’s team was sitting at the table while God’s team was walking out the door. Was I going to stand with my God and my husband? Was I going to allow Satan to treat my LORD that way? I admit this with tears running down my cheeks… I stayed with Satan. I chose to let God and my husband walk out the door. The other two men at the table smirked, as they knew their team had won.
My heart began to change that day. I still continued in the sin for a few weeks later. But I never could get the thought out of my mind of what I had done that day. To me, choosing to stay as my defeated, hurt, rejected husband walked out the door was worse than anything else I had done up until that point.
Finally, I got up the nerve to sit down and talk to Derek. I told him that I had been lying and that I had had an affair. I confessed that I had been fighting on Satan’s side for a long time. However, at that moment I began the journey of returning home. Returning to fight on the LORD’s side. Our home began to rise.